Times of India: Lalit Modi brings Winter Olympics to India!!

R2 reads today’s headline in Times of India: “Visionary Lalit Modi brings Winter Olympics to India”. R2 is overwhelmed with joy, his life long dream has come true – finally India gets a chance to host the Olympics.

R2 (all misty eyed, falls on to his knees and raises his hand): What a newspaper, what a visionary, what a sporting event - I am proud to be an Indian today!!

Godzilla (knocks R2’s head with rolled up TOI): Dude, its winter Olympics!!! No one watches it except for a few Eskimos on the North Pole. Ask NBC.

R2: You don’t get it Godzilla. Olympics is not about the size of the audience or commercial interests, it is about the triumph and progress of the human spirit. Lalit Modi gets it.

Godzilla: Okay, let me take you to Modi’s house, you can talk to the man himself.

Godzilla is chummy with everyone who is worth being chummy with. R2 and Godzilla enter Lalit Modi’s palace – aptly named “Lalit Modi Palace”. Modi has never believed in subtleties. He has two cute puppies named Kapil Dev and Jagmohan Dalmiya.

R2: Modiji – congratulations on bringing Winter Olympics to India! What will the #1 sport of these games?

LM: Ice Hockey.

R2: Ice Hockey?? India doesn’t have a single Ice Hockey arena or an Ice Hockey team!

LM: Don’t worry about it. We have relocated the Ice Hockey events to South Africa. They are our friends and they like eating crumbs from my cake. Hehehe...

R2: What about the team?

LM: Oh, I have asked Shahrukh Khan to coach and train the Indian Ice Hockey team. I have seen Chak De, he will do a good job. Man, that dude is so talented!! Did you see his acting in MNIK?

Lalit Modi looks sideways with skewed eyes, jitters and mumbles – trying to mimic SRK’s Rizwan Khan from MNIK. He is such a better actor than SRK.

R2: I don’t want to talk about MNIK. How about other sports?

LM: We will have 20-20 cricket.

R2: Cricket!! Its not even part of the Summer Olympics, how does it qualify to be a part of Winter Olympics?

LM: That’s called innovation and vision. We will reduce temperature in the VIP boxes so that it feels like winter for the VIPs.

R2: Any other sports?

LM: Nah, I have cancelled them all. No one watches those silly slidy thingies.

A man is his 40s walks into the room holding a tray with 3 cups of tea. From the footwork and balance he displays in bringing the tea tray, it is obvious that this man must have hit 6 sixes in an over when he was young.

R2: OH MY GOD!! This is Ravi Shastri. Ravi Shastri is serving tea at the Lalit Modi Palace!!

LM: Yeah. You got to understand, R2. After doing IPL commentary, he needed a more respectable job.

Ravi Shastri: Gentlemen, enjoy your special DLF masala chai – cheers!