R2: Godzilla, do you believe that the Moon landings really happen?
Godzilla: Yeah – I was there. Did I ever mention that I was born on the moon?
R2: That explains all the weight you have put on, you were compensating for weaker gravity on moon! No, seriously – do you think moon landing was a hoax?
Godzilla: Of course it was the greatest prank ever!
R2: Why?
Godzilla: Because humans were slow witted bunch back in 1960s. The computers were size of the Pyramids, tic-tac-toe was considered the hottest video game, men found it cool to wear bell bottom tights, people actually listened to rock music and Himesh Reshamiya hadn’t even started belting out his songs! Do you think these fooltards had the technology to land on the moon?
R2: So what really happened?
Godzilla: Well, Khrushchev and Kennedy were involved in a race on who had the biggest balls. A group of drugged hippies under LSD induced trance dreamt up this whole shit and went to Kennedy asking him to claim ‘Sun landing’. Kennedy, always the smart ass, knew that public will not buy Sun Landing story (it must be way too sunny up there) and tampered it down to Moon Landing.
R2: What about all the video footage?
Godzilla: Oh, that was a MTV music video for a psychedelic rock song. Gullible folks like you will watch clips from Watchmen and believe that Mars landing has already happened!
R2: Or, read Chacha Chaudhary and believe Jupiter landing has already happened. Hehehe.. You seem to be in mood today, how about some whiskey?
Godzilla: Dude, I am already on a high! Lets listen to some rock. Can you just play “Man on the Moon”? Please?
Monday, July 20, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Godzilla on Bruno
Godzilla: What’s similar between Bruno and Golf?
R2: No point guessing, I assume. You tell me.
G: Both involve people playing with clubs – their own or each others or rented! Hahaha!
R2: Not funny, and tasteless, just like the jokes in Bruno.
G: You didn’t like Bruno?
R2: It was disgusting nonsense! Baron Cohen has exhausted his bag of tricks.
G: Well, I felt that the movie had many genuinely funny and thought provoking moments – if you could overcome the graphic visuals and all-around crudeness.
R2: I wonder what Cohen was trying to achieve? If he was trying to expose homophobia in society, he ended up just re-enforcing the worst gay stereotypes. Rather than becoming part of the solution, he may have made his contribution to the problem.
G: He is an entertainer, why expect him to solve any problems??
R2: I actually found myself more sympathetic towards some of the victims, whose homophobic behavior Cohen was trying to expose. I am guessing that’s true for an overwhelming majority.
G: May be it’s a reflection of subconscious traces of homophobia within you, and the majority.
R2: Absolutely no!!
G: In any case, any kind of dialogue on these issues is a step forward towards ultimate resolution.
R2: I am not sure; sometimes conversations amplify issues by intensifying emotions on both sides. Indian high court just decriminalized gay sex and there was absolutely no social outrage. I am sure that even if court had legalized gay marriages, it would have been a non-issue in India.
G: Not recognizing an issue doesn’t make it a non-issue. Hey, this is too serious a topic for my taste. Let me ask you another question – why are golf balls white and small?
R2: No clue.
G: Because if they were black and big, they would be elephants!
R2: Ahh. no elephant jokes please!! Hey – it’s a great day outside, how about making another attempt at learning golf?
G: Lets go.
R2: No point guessing, I assume. You tell me.
G: Both involve people playing with clubs – their own or each others or rented! Hahaha!
R2: Not funny, and tasteless, just like the jokes in Bruno.
G: You didn’t like Bruno?
R2: It was disgusting nonsense! Baron Cohen has exhausted his bag of tricks.
G: Well, I felt that the movie had many genuinely funny and thought provoking moments – if you could overcome the graphic visuals and all-around crudeness.
R2: I wonder what Cohen was trying to achieve? If he was trying to expose homophobia in society, he ended up just re-enforcing the worst gay stereotypes. Rather than becoming part of the solution, he may have made his contribution to the problem.
G: He is an entertainer, why expect him to solve any problems??
R2: I actually found myself more sympathetic towards some of the victims, whose homophobic behavior Cohen was trying to expose. I am guessing that’s true for an overwhelming majority.
G: May be it’s a reflection of subconscious traces of homophobia within you, and the majority.
R2: Absolutely no!!
G: In any case, any kind of dialogue on these issues is a step forward towards ultimate resolution.
R2: I am not sure; sometimes conversations amplify issues by intensifying emotions on both sides. Indian high court just decriminalized gay sex and there was absolutely no social outrage. I am sure that even if court had legalized gay marriages, it would have been a non-issue in India.
G: Not recognizing an issue doesn’t make it a non-issue. Hey, this is too serious a topic for my taste. Let me ask you another question – why are golf balls white and small?
R2: No clue.
G: Because if they were black and big, they would be elephants!
R2: Ahh. no elephant jokes please!! Hey – it’s a great day outside, how about making another attempt at learning golf?
G: Lets go.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Godzilla on Federer and Hot Dog Eating
R2: Godzilla, do you agree that Federer is the greatest?
G: Huh! Not even close!
R2: Did you not watch the Wimbledon finals?
G: Actually no. I was paying attention to the Hot Dog Eating World Championship which took place the same weekend. I rate Joey Chestnut as the greatest! He just won his 3rd straight title and set astounding record of eating 68 hotdogs within 10 minutes!
R2: Who cares about Hot Dog Eating!
G: Dude, you are so out of touch!! I saw this contest in a bar in South Carolina. Every screen was showing it and entire bar was cheering wildly for Chestnut.
R2: That probably is more of a statement about South Carolina than about Hot Dog Eating
G: I think Tennis is a pointless game. A REAL sport should be epitome of essential human purpose in life – satisfying hunger (survival), waging wars (competing for survival) and procreation. Hot Dog Eating, Boxing and Ultimate Fighting Championship qualify. Recreational sports such as Tennis and Cricket are for wimps. Wimps have no claim over greatness.
R2: Guess, in that case, Mike Tyson has a bigger claim than Chestnut. He not only boxed, he even ate an ear while he was at it!
G: He is a close second. It’s hard to beat 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes!!
R2: I was wondering if there exists any competitive sport that epitomizes procreation.
G: I never thought about it! There can be a competition about who can..
R2: Godzilla! Stop! This is a family friendly blog space.
G: Okay, whatever. Hey, I am feeling hungry – can you get me some hot dogs? With lot of mustard sauce please.
G: Huh! Not even close!
R2: Did you not watch the Wimbledon finals?
G: Actually no. I was paying attention to the Hot Dog Eating World Championship which took place the same weekend. I rate Joey Chestnut as the greatest! He just won his 3rd straight title and set astounding record of eating 68 hotdogs within 10 minutes!
R2: Who cares about Hot Dog Eating!
G: Dude, you are so out of touch!! I saw this contest in a bar in South Carolina. Every screen was showing it and entire bar was cheering wildly for Chestnut.
R2: That probably is more of a statement about South Carolina than about Hot Dog Eating
G: I think Tennis is a pointless game. A REAL sport should be epitome of essential human purpose in life – satisfying hunger (survival), waging wars (competing for survival) and procreation. Hot Dog Eating, Boxing and Ultimate Fighting Championship qualify. Recreational sports such as Tennis and Cricket are for wimps. Wimps have no claim over greatness.
R2: Guess, in that case, Mike Tyson has a bigger claim than Chestnut. He not only boxed, he even ate an ear while he was at it!
G: He is a close second. It’s hard to beat 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes!!
R2: I was wondering if there exists any competitive sport that epitomizes procreation.
G: I never thought about it! There can be a competition about who can..
R2: Godzilla! Stop! This is a family friendly blog space.
G: Okay, whatever. Hey, I am feeling hungry – can you get me some hot dogs? With lot of mustard sauce please.
To Good Times: Myrtle Beach on July 4th
After spending the day at the beach, Chaits and I have lodged ourselves in our balcony overlooking the ocean as it approached sunset.
Godzilla is looking down at the beach, observing humans of all shapes, sizes and colors. Young men and women, who were showing off their beach bodies and tattoos during the day, are back – much more modestly dressed this time. Two kids, who were trampling each other’s sand castles are now fighting with light sabers. A young couple, which was making out in the wavy ocean, is now back on the sand – still making out. The live band, which was playing its original songs, is finally playing Pink Floyd hits.
After acquiring increasingly darker shades of red, the sky has finally deepened into grayish black and is almost indistinguishable from the ocean, but for the waves shimmering in moonlight. Across the entire length of the beach, people are lighting fireworks. Unlike the synchronized fireworks display I am used to seeing in DC on July 4ths, this is random and uncoordinated - rendering these fireworks a real soul. Still nothing like fireworks in India on Diwali nights. Even the chaos in US is so spaced out, so organized, so safe. Hey wait! A rocket seems to have misfired and is heading straight to the swimming pool down below. It burst right in the center of the pool! People are screaming and running around (no, no one got hurt)! Now this is REAL fireworks!
R2 is immersed in a book, “Unaccustomed Earth”, a collection of short stories. He is currently reading story of a man who is reflecting about his unexpressed unfulfilled love for his headmaster’s daughter way back in his boarding school days.
The rhythm is broken by a big round of applause. The band has just finished its last song of the night. Chaits and I look at each other. "Cheers!", She raises her drink, “To good times”. “To good times”, I say, raising my glass.
Godzilla is looking down at the beach, observing humans of all shapes, sizes and colors. Young men and women, who were showing off their beach bodies and tattoos during the day, are back – much more modestly dressed this time. Two kids, who were trampling each other’s sand castles are now fighting with light sabers. A young couple, which was making out in the wavy ocean, is now back on the sand – still making out. The live band, which was playing its original songs, is finally playing Pink Floyd hits.
After acquiring increasingly darker shades of red, the sky has finally deepened into grayish black and is almost indistinguishable from the ocean, but for the waves shimmering in moonlight. Across the entire length of the beach, people are lighting fireworks. Unlike the synchronized fireworks display I am used to seeing in DC on July 4ths, this is random and uncoordinated - rendering these fireworks a real soul. Still nothing like fireworks in India on Diwali nights. Even the chaos in US is so spaced out, so organized, so safe. Hey wait! A rocket seems to have misfired and is heading straight to the swimming pool down below. It burst right in the center of the pool! People are screaming and running around (no, no one got hurt)! Now this is REAL fireworks!
R2 is immersed in a book, “Unaccustomed Earth”, a collection of short stories. He is currently reading story of a man who is reflecting about his unexpressed unfulfilled love for his headmaster’s daughter way back in his boarding school days.
“He and all the other boys were in love with Pam, who was the only girl in her family, the only girl on campus, the only girl, it had felt back then, in the world… She seemed fully aware of their admiration, flattered but off-limits”.R2, having lived in a boarding school as a kid, can so relate to it. He thinks about his science teacher’s daughter, who the entire class had a crush on and wonders what became of her.
The rhythm is broken by a big round of applause. The band has just finished its last song of the night. Chaits and I look at each other. "Cheers!", She raises her drink, “To good times”. “To good times”, I say, raising my glass.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
R2 Origins
Jan 27th, 2003, my 1st day at work in US. I introduce myself to my new team as Ravi Prakash; the team insists that the name Ravi will not do, it’s already taken.
Henceforth I was R2; some even called me R2-D2. I had no clue about Star Wars back then and kept wondering how in the world D2 stands for Prakash. In spite of all my efforts, the name stuck and even my wife switched to calling me R2!
R2’s achievements during his 1st 10 days in US define his personality:
And this was just the beginning.
Henceforth I was R2; some even called me R2-D2. I had no clue about Star Wars back then and kept wondering how in the world D2 stands for Prakash. In spite of all my efforts, the name stuck and even my wife switched to calling me R2!
R2’s achievements during his 1st 10 days in US define his personality:
1) Paid $60 as tip to the limo driver who came to pick him up at the airport.
2) Called 911 for directionsa. Because he had no change and 911 calls were free from the booth
b. When asked where is he calling from, “From the Petrol Pump in front of McDonalds”
c. When asked where do you need directions to, “My apt. is in Herndon, close to a Red Lobster”
3) Ordered “both”, when asked “for here” or “to go”.
4) Somehow thought that there were 2 kinds of roads in US -> highways and sub-ways. Decided that he hates highways after few days of heart stopping driving adventures. Since his corporate housing in Herndon required him to take highways to work – he asked his relocation agent to move him to a place where he will need just the subways. Relocation agent moved him to an apartment near Vienna Metro station!
5) Was forced to play Taboo in an ice-breaker session. Picks up a card, looks at the word and says, “I can’t do this, I don’t know the meaning of this word Denver”
And this was just the beginning.
Godzilla Origins
A lot of folks have wondered about Godzilla – why the name Godzilla, where did it come from, what is the inspiration? To clarify – Godzilla does not represent my wife!! (..wonder why anyone would think that??).
Godzilla originated on Jan 5th, 2005 and since then has been trash-talking to the world as my alter-ego. Thankfully, Pauda (aka Anirudh Gupta and Kyle's Mom is a Bitch) had saved the original Godzilla mail and posted this entry as part of his nostalgia series on the doomed boyzz blog (http://theboyzzz.blogspot.com/):
Godzilla originated on Jan 5th, 2005 and since then has been trash-talking to the world as my alter-ego. Thankfully, Pauda (aka Anirudh Gupta and Kyle's Mom is a Bitch) had saved the original Godzilla mail and posted this entry as part of his nostalgia series on the doomed boyzz blog (http://theboyzzz.blogspot.com/):
And here comes R2, the king of trash-talking. This email goes back to Jan 2005 when all the boyzzz joined the same Gym and duly started playing Squash.
"Booby" never became popular (Lucky Paddo). And R2, what happened to the "Godzilla"? :)
-----Original Message-----
From: Prakash, Ravi
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 11:03 AM
To: Batra, Gaurav; Gupta, Anirudh; Mathur, Shantanu; 'Vaibhav Gupta'; Sharma, Saurabh; Mirpuri, Jai
Cc: Shekhawat, Pradeep
Subject: You can run..
… but can not hide!!
The Godzilla of squash has arrived - promising to squash you all to a pulp (with some mighty swings and some delicate touches.. Aha.. Aha.. Aha..)
Booby got the first taste of the Godzilla thrashing - poor poor Booby.. (Godzilla weeps from him.. Booohoo booohooo…)
PS:
Scoreline
4-9; 9-4; 9-2; 7-9; 9-7
posted by Kyle's Mom is a Bitch at 11:52 PM | 0 comments
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