Godzilla goes Golfing

After squashing everyone who dared to challenge him in Wii golf, Godzilla decided to extend his domination to real golf. In a totally ‘un-Godzilla’ like behavior, he wakes early Saturday morning, picks some of his equally lazy friends and drives to a driving range.

Later in the afternoon, R2 enters the living room to find Godzilla slumped on the recliner, staring intensely at an open beer bottle kept on the coffee table right in front of him.

R2: Godzilla, you are so lazy!! Why don’t you pick up the beer bottle, its just 2 feet away. It seems you were waiting for me to come in and pick it for you!

Godzilla (almost groaning): Dude, can you just pass it over? I am in lot of pain – my arms are sore, my back is hurting – I am so tired!

R2: Why, what happened? Did you do extreme weight lifting or run a marathon?

Godzilla: Nah.. I went to driving range. Didn’t imagine it will be so tiring and painful.

R2: Why don’t you just accept your virtual existence and stick to your virtual social and physical life? Do you want me turn on Wii for you and hand over the remote?

Godzilla: Don’t rub it in, man. Hey, something funny happened over the driving range, I must tell you!

R2: Go on.

Godzilla: So, I went with Dipanjan, Subbu and Hemang. Subbu is a ‘natural golfer’ and Dipanjan has his own club set.

R2: Which means they suck less than you do.

G: Yeah. Anyways, I assumed that playing golf is same as playing cricket. Just that it’s simpler because the ball is stationary and the only shot you need to play is lofted straight drive. So I was playing my lofted straight drivers with all the fancy footwork. Hemang, fellow newbie, for some reason thought that I was a pro. He complimented me on my style and liked how I was using my full body weight and exaggerated movements to generate ball speed. He observed me for a while from various angles; I gave him a tip or two. Soon he was back to his tee, hitting lofted cricket straight drives using slightly modified version of my fancy footwork. Only problem was that none of our shots crossed 10 yards or went straight. Dipanjan, to our dismay, pointed out later that what we thought was superlative technique, was absolutely wrong and extremely funny! He then showed us the right technique.

R2: Hehehe, that was funny!Though, what makes you think that Dipanjan knows any better?

Godzilla and Superman

R2: Godzilla, I want to do the Superman ride again!!

Godzilla: Well, I can make you do it, if you insist. Lot of seniors used to make the freshies do the ‘Superman ride’ across the hostel corridors in the heydays of IIT ragging.

R2: You are sick!! I am talking about the Superman ride in Six Flags – the amusement park. I want to experience the thrill, the fear, the speed!!

G: Are you out of your mind! Why would you want to ride a roller-coaster at a bankrupt amusement park!! They can’t run their company, why do you think they will be able to run their rides safely.

R2: Well.. that logic never stopped you from flying bankrupt airlines.

G: You have a point. Aren’t you scared though?

R2: Roller-coaster rides are orders of magnitude safer than driving a car. And the top speed of all these roller coasters is less than the interstate driving speed! There is absolutely no risk of getting hurt.

G: I wonder why you would not rather seek fear and speed in your car which is more dangerous and faster. Why do you experience thrill in an activity which you know is so incredibly safe? Sometimes you make no sense.

R2: But.. mmm..
R2 is more confused, but can’t think of a retort.

G: While your slow brain is working at it, can you pass me a beer?

Hangover for Oscars!

Godzilla: Man… Hangover was crazy funny!! Best movie ever made - funnier than Borat, Old School and Road Trip combined!

R2: Agree with you, for a change. Though, I will not go as far as calling it the best movie ever.

Godzilla: Do you think it will win an Oscar?

R2: As far as I know, best picture goes only to the movie about gays or World War II or biographies or literary novel adaptations. Hangover has no chance. Unfair, I know. I wish Academy shared its sensibility with Godzilla.

Godzilla: May be Bruno has a chance then. It’s a biography of a gay fashion designer!

R2: :) I am so looking forward to Bruno!

Godzilla: I am not willing to give up on Hangover for Best Picture Oscars – esp. with new Oscar rule around 10 nominations for best picture.

R2: Let’s mark our support for ‘Hangover for Oscars’ by living the Hangover spirit - by drinking all night!

Godzilla: Or by going for a Bachelor Party! Batra’s is coming up shortly. Oh wait, I guess your wife will not let you go. Ouch!

R2: Hey – I just don’t like bachelor parties - those strippers are someone's daughters!

Godzilla: Okay, whatever.. Lets just get drunk then..

God and Godzilla

R2: Godzilla, is there a God?

Godzilla: Of course, Yes! You see one right in front of you. Didn't you notice 1st 3 letters of my name?

R2: Godzilla - I am serious! Is there a God? Yes or No?

Godzilla: No.

R2: Whaat??!!! You really believe there is no God!! Who created universe? What was before it, what is beyond it? What happens after we die? Isn't there a greater purpose to life than Darwinian writ of survival and procreation? How can you live in peace with these open questions, without believing in God ??

Godzilla: Phew!! Hey, why don't we have a beer and watch some episodes of Lost. I am sure that by next season we will have answer to all these questions and more!

R2 gives up and starts to walk out in disgust.

Godzilla: Hey R2, how about going to Shiva Vishnu temple next weekend? I heard they have some awesome food on weekends.

R2 (stops) : I like that idea! A lot of pretty Indian girls visit the SV temple on weekends. Why don't we go this weekend itself?

India vs. Pakistan

R2 walks up to Godzilla who is about to best his personal record in Wii Tennis.

R2: Godzilla, I am feeling angry and guilty at the same time!

Godzilla: What’s new! Tell me.

R2: A friend of mine had this as his Facebook status

"GP is kinda sad to hear the firecrackers upon Pak win - even as Qasab is under trial"

This status message reminded me of an India Pakistan game I had seen as a 13 year old with a good Muslim friend of mine at his place. There were almost 40 people watching that game at his place, I probably was the only Hindu amongst the audience. India lost that game badly - and the crowd cheered wildly in Pakistan's support. It was absolutely dis-heartening and made me so angry!

Godzilla: Hmm.. What makes you feel guilty?

R2: I, somehow, from deep within, was rooting for a Pakistan victory in the T20 world cup finals!

Godzilla: Whom did you support in IPL?

R2: Bangalore.

G: Why Bangalore as opposed to Mumbai where you lived the most?

R2: Arr.. because I worked there for 6 months.. Well.. actually, because I had lot of shares of Bangalore in my fantasy IPL league.

G: If there was a game between India and US - who would you support?

R2: Of course, India. You forget that even though I live in US, I am an Indian citizen.

G: What if you got American citizenship today? Will it change who you support?

R2: You are trying to draw absurd conclusions by comparing situations which appear similar but are entirely different. I know your tricks very well! India - Pakistan games are different. You cannot ignore the wounds of history and intensity of emotions..

G: Shh.. Relax!! It’s just a game. Chill...
(Godzilla tosses the 2nd remote towards R2)
Well, let me whoop your ass in Wii Tennis, how about that?