To Good Times: Myrtle Beach on July 4th

After spending the day at the beach, Chaits and I have lodged ourselves in our balcony overlooking the ocean as it approached sunset.

Godzilla is looking down at the beach, observing humans of all shapes, sizes and colors. Young men and women, who were showing off their beach bodies and tattoos during the day, are back – much more modestly dressed this time. Two kids, who were trampling each other’s sand castles are now fighting with light sabers. A young couple, which was making out in the wavy ocean, is now back on the sand – still making out. The live band, which was playing its original songs, is finally playing Pink Floyd hits.

After acquiring increasingly darker shades of red, the sky has finally deepened into grayish black and is almost indistinguishable from the ocean, but for the waves shimmering in moonlight. Across the entire length of the beach, people are lighting fireworks. Unlike the synchronized fireworks display I am used to seeing in DC on July 4ths, this is random and uncoordinated - rendering these fireworks a real soul. Still nothing like fireworks in India on Diwali nights. Even the chaos in US is so spaced out, so organized, so safe. Hey wait! A rocket seems to have misfired and is heading straight to the swimming pool down below. It burst right in the center of the pool! People are screaming and running around (no, no one got hurt)! Now this is REAL fireworks!

R2 is immersed in a book, “Unaccustomed Earth”, a collection of short stories. He is currently reading story of a man who is reflecting about his unexpressed unfulfilled love for his headmaster’s daughter way back in his boarding school days.

“He and all the other boys were in love with Pam, who was the only girl in her family, the only girl on campus, the only girl, it had felt back then, in the world… She seemed fully aware of their admiration, flattered but off-limits”.

R2, having lived in a boarding school as a kid, can so relate to it. He thinks about his science teacher’s daughter, who the entire class had a crush on and wonders what became of her.

The rhythm is broken by a big round of applause. The band has just finished its last song of the night. Chaits and I look at each other. "Cheers!", She raises her drink, “To good times”. “To good times”, I say, raising my glass.

R2 Origins

Jan 27th, 2003, my 1st day at work in US. I introduce myself to my new team as Ravi Prakash; the team insists that the name Ravi will not do, it’s already taken.

Henceforth I was R2; some even called me R2-D2. I had no clue about Star Wars back then and kept wondering how in the world D2 stands for Prakash. In spite of all my efforts, the name stuck and even my wife switched to calling me R2!

R2’s achievements during his 1st 10 days in US define his personality:

1) Paid $60 as tip to the limo driver who came to pick him up at the airport.

2) Called 911 for directions

a. Because he had no change and 911 calls were free from the booth
b. When asked where is he calling from, “From the Petrol Pump in front of McDonalds”
c. When asked where do you need directions to, “My apt. is in Herndon, close to a Red Lobster”

3) Ordered “both”, when asked “for here” or “to go”.

4) Somehow thought that there were 2 kinds of roads in US -> highways and sub-ways. Decided that he hates highways after few days of heart stopping driving adventures. Since his corporate housing in Herndon required him to take highways to work – he asked his relocation agent to move him to a place where he will need just the subways. Relocation agent moved him to an apartment near Vienna Metro station!

5) Was forced to play Taboo in an ice-breaker session. Picks up a card, looks at the word and says, “I can’t do this, I don’t know the meaning of this word Denver”

And this was just the beginning.

Godzilla Origins

A lot of folks have wondered about Godzilla – why the name Godzilla, where did it come from, what is the inspiration? To clarify – Godzilla does not represent my wife!! (..wonder why anyone would think that??).

Godzilla originated on Jan 5th, 2005 and since then has been trash-talking to the world as my alter-ego. Thankfully, Pauda (aka Anirudh Gupta and Kyle's Mom is a Bitch) had saved the original Godzilla mail and posted this entry as part of his nostalgia series on the doomed boyzz blog (http://theboyzzz.blogspot.com/):

And here comes R2, the king of trash-talking. This email goes back to Jan 2005 when all the boyzzz joined the same Gym and duly started playing Squash.

"Booby" never became popular (Lucky Paddo). And R2, what happened to the "Godzilla"? :)

-----Original Message-----
From: Prakash, Ravi
Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 11:03 AM
To: Batra, Gaurav; Gupta, Anirudh; Mathur, Shantanu; 'Vaibhav Gupta'; Sharma, Saurabh; Mirpuri, Jai
Cc: Shekhawat, Pradeep
Subject: You can run..
… but can not hide!!
The Godzilla of squash has arrived - promising to squash you all to a pulp (with some mighty swings and some delicate touches.. Aha.. Aha.. Aha..)
Booby got the first taste of the Godzilla thrashing - poor poor Booby.. (Godzilla weeps from him.. Booohoo booohooo…)
PS:
Scoreline
4-9; 9-4; 9-2; 7-9; 9-7

posted by Kyle's Mom is a Bitch at 11:52 PM | 0 comments

Godzilla goes Golfing

After squashing everyone who dared to challenge him in Wii golf, Godzilla decided to extend his domination to real golf. In a totally ‘un-Godzilla’ like behavior, he wakes early Saturday morning, picks some of his equally lazy friends and drives to a driving range.

Later in the afternoon, R2 enters the living room to find Godzilla slumped on the recliner, staring intensely at an open beer bottle kept on the coffee table right in front of him.

R2: Godzilla, you are so lazy!! Why don’t you pick up the beer bottle, its just 2 feet away. It seems you were waiting for me to come in and pick it for you!

Godzilla (almost groaning): Dude, can you just pass it over? I am in lot of pain – my arms are sore, my back is hurting – I am so tired!

R2: Why, what happened? Did you do extreme weight lifting or run a marathon?

Godzilla: Nah.. I went to driving range. Didn’t imagine it will be so tiring and painful.

R2: Why don’t you just accept your virtual existence and stick to your virtual social and physical life? Do you want me turn on Wii for you and hand over the remote?

Godzilla: Don’t rub it in, man. Hey, something funny happened over the driving range, I must tell you!

R2: Go on.

Godzilla: So, I went with Dipanjan, Subbu and Hemang. Subbu is a ‘natural golfer’ and Dipanjan has his own club set.

R2: Which means they suck less than you do.

G: Yeah. Anyways, I assumed that playing golf is same as playing cricket. Just that it’s simpler because the ball is stationary and the only shot you need to play is lofted straight drive. So I was playing my lofted straight drivers with all the fancy footwork. Hemang, fellow newbie, for some reason thought that I was a pro. He complimented me on my style and liked how I was using my full body weight and exaggerated movements to generate ball speed. He observed me for a while from various angles; I gave him a tip or two. Soon he was back to his tee, hitting lofted cricket straight drives using slightly modified version of my fancy footwork. Only problem was that none of our shots crossed 10 yards or went straight. Dipanjan, to our dismay, pointed out later that what we thought was superlative technique, was absolutely wrong and extremely funny! He then showed us the right technique.

R2: Hehehe, that was funny!Though, what makes you think that Dipanjan knows any better?

Godzilla and Superman

R2: Godzilla, I want to do the Superman ride again!!

Godzilla: Well, I can make you do it, if you insist. Lot of seniors used to make the freshies do the ‘Superman ride’ across the hostel corridors in the heydays of IIT ragging.

R2: You are sick!! I am talking about the Superman ride in Six Flags – the amusement park. I want to experience the thrill, the fear, the speed!!

G: Are you out of your mind! Why would you want to ride a roller-coaster at a bankrupt amusement park!! They can’t run their company, why do you think they will be able to run their rides safely.

R2: Well.. that logic never stopped you from flying bankrupt airlines.

G: You have a point. Aren’t you scared though?

R2: Roller-coaster rides are orders of magnitude safer than driving a car. And the top speed of all these roller coasters is less than the interstate driving speed! There is absolutely no risk of getting hurt.

G: I wonder why you would not rather seek fear and speed in your car which is more dangerous and faster. Why do you experience thrill in an activity which you know is so incredibly safe? Sometimes you make no sense.

R2: But.. mmm..
R2 is more confused, but can’t think of a retort.

G: While your slow brain is working at it, can you pass me a beer?

Hangover for Oscars!

Godzilla: Man… Hangover was crazy funny!! Best movie ever made - funnier than Borat, Old School and Road Trip combined!

R2: Agree with you, for a change. Though, I will not go as far as calling it the best movie ever.

Godzilla: Do you think it will win an Oscar?

R2: As far as I know, best picture goes only to the movie about gays or World War II or biographies or literary novel adaptations. Hangover has no chance. Unfair, I know. I wish Academy shared its sensibility with Godzilla.

Godzilla: May be Bruno has a chance then. It’s a biography of a gay fashion designer!

R2: :) I am so looking forward to Bruno!

Godzilla: I am not willing to give up on Hangover for Best Picture Oscars – esp. with new Oscar rule around 10 nominations for best picture.

R2: Let’s mark our support for ‘Hangover for Oscars’ by living the Hangover spirit - by drinking all night!

Godzilla: Or by going for a Bachelor Party! Batra’s is coming up shortly. Oh wait, I guess your wife will not let you go. Ouch!

R2: Hey – I just don’t like bachelor parties - those strippers are someone's daughters!

Godzilla: Okay, whatever.. Lets just get drunk then..

God and Godzilla

R2: Godzilla, is there a God?

Godzilla: Of course, Yes! You see one right in front of you. Didn't you notice 1st 3 letters of my name?

R2: Godzilla - I am serious! Is there a God? Yes or No?

Godzilla: No.

R2: Whaat??!!! You really believe there is no God!! Who created universe? What was before it, what is beyond it? What happens after we die? Isn't there a greater purpose to life than Darwinian writ of survival and procreation? How can you live in peace with these open questions, without believing in God ??

Godzilla: Phew!! Hey, why don't we have a beer and watch some episodes of Lost. I am sure that by next season we will have answer to all these questions and more!

R2 gives up and starts to walk out in disgust.

Godzilla: Hey R2, how about going to Shiva Vishnu temple next weekend? I heard they have some awesome food on weekends.

R2 (stops) : I like that idea! A lot of pretty Indian girls visit the SV temple on weekends. Why don't we go this weekend itself?

India vs. Pakistan

R2 walks up to Godzilla who is about to best his personal record in Wii Tennis.

R2: Godzilla, I am feeling angry and guilty at the same time!

Godzilla: What’s new! Tell me.

R2: A friend of mine had this as his Facebook status

"GP is kinda sad to hear the firecrackers upon Pak win - even as Qasab is under trial"

This status message reminded me of an India Pakistan game I had seen as a 13 year old with a good Muslim friend of mine at his place. There were almost 40 people watching that game at his place, I probably was the only Hindu amongst the audience. India lost that game badly - and the crowd cheered wildly in Pakistan's support. It was absolutely dis-heartening and made me so angry!

Godzilla: Hmm.. What makes you feel guilty?

R2: I, somehow, from deep within, was rooting for a Pakistan victory in the T20 world cup finals!

Godzilla: Whom did you support in IPL?

R2: Bangalore.

G: Why Bangalore as opposed to Mumbai where you lived the most?

R2: Arr.. because I worked there for 6 months.. Well.. actually, because I had lot of shares of Bangalore in my fantasy IPL league.

G: If there was a game between India and US - who would you support?

R2: Of course, India. You forget that even though I live in US, I am an Indian citizen.

G: What if you got American citizenship today? Will it change who you support?

R2: You are trying to draw absurd conclusions by comparing situations which appear similar but are entirely different. I know your tricks very well! India - Pakistan games are different. You cannot ignore the wounds of history and intensity of emotions..

G: Shh.. Relax!! It’s just a game. Chill...
(Godzilla tosses the 2nd remote towards R2)
Well, let me whoop your ass in Wii Tennis, how about that?